My Daily List

March 1, 2010

The My Daily List Winter Olympics debriefing.

1. Canada's getting a little uppity. 2. Lindsey Vonn's publicist clearly suggested that she squirt a few when she won a medal so h...

February 21, 2010

The Sarah Palin guide to who can and cannot use the word "retard".

1. Rahm Emanuel - absolutely not. 2. Rush Limbaugh - of course, what are you, a retar . . . I mean, don't be foolish. 3. David Letter...

February 13, 2010

5 ways to tell if your elective representative to Congress is a Democrat.

1. Place it in a large paper bag. Thoroughly wet the bag. If it sits impotently waiting for someone from the other side of the aisle to h...

February 3, 2010

The Sandra Bullock Step-By-Step Guide to Winning an Oscar

Step one: (this is the hard part.) Spend years making movies in which you play characters that middle-aged women say are totally just like...

January 26, 2010

Why did My Daily List fall off the face of the Earth?

1. After years of hobo obsession, he finally packed his bindle and hit the open road. 2. My Daily List was designed to continue for 1001...

December 17, 2009

5 popular activities used by caricaturists

1. Driving a dune buggy 2. Skateboarding 3. Fishing 4. Reading a good book 5. Corning beer

December 16, 2009

German Expressionist films worth checking out

1. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari 2. The Golem 3. Metropolis 4. M 5. Nosferatu

December 15, 2009

World flags which suggest that Santa may live there

1. Bangledesh 2. Belarus 3. Burundi 4. Grenada 5. Norfolk Island 6. Turkmenistan

December 14, 2009

People who have played Sherlock Holmes

1. Robert Downey Jr. 2. Basil Rathbone 3. Matt Frewer 4. Nicolas Rowe 5. Peter O'Toole (ok, they were cartoons but come on, Peter O...

December 13, 2009

Things December could do without

1. Candy canes 2. Exchanging gifts with co-workers 3. Holiday specials starring former American Idols 4. People whining about Jews, Musl...

December 12, 2009

Excellent Christmas season commericials

1. Ronco Bottle and Jar Cutter 2. Santa Riding a Norelco Electric Shaver 3. Various K-Tel music collections 4. Coca Cola - I'd like ...

December 11, 2009

5 indications that I have an iPhone problem

1. Life is structured around charging stations. 2. New pet name for the wife: 32 gigs. 3. Unwilling to participate in any future time-tr...

December 10, 2009

iPhone apps worth a look

1. IMDB - Movie Genie kept us going but it's about time they gave us movie nerds what we need. 2. iAssociate - it's a little clunk...

December 9, 2009

Indications that it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

1. Students are cramming for finals 2. Stores are making plans to discount the Christmas-themed Snickers to make room for the Valentines-t...

December 8, 2009

Things you might stir into your pancake batter

1. Chipotle and chocolate chips 2. Crushed peanut brittle 3. Lemon zest and ricotta cheese 4. Country sausage and pistachios 5. Orange ...

December 7, 2009

The trouble with elves

1. The male and female elves look alike leading to some awkward moments at the holiday party. 2. Stupid bells on their shoes get tiresom...

December 6, 2009

6 famous writers who slummed in Hollywood

1. F. Scott Fitzgerald 2. William Faulkner 3. George Bernard Shaw 4. John Steinbeck 5. Graham Greene 6. P.G. Wodehouse

December 5, 2009

Potential names for the Mac tablet

1. iPhone Venti 2. iSmudges 3. Nerd Anchor 4. Appbook 5. $700 I don't have

December 4, 2009

5 scary ventriloquist dummies - can you name the source?

1. The Great Gabbo (nope, not from The Simpsons) 2. Fats 3. Willy 4. Hugo Fitch (just watched this and it was pretty good) 5. Hugo (an ...

December 3, 2009

5 reasons it might be worth inducing a chemical coma until January 2nd

1. Shopping for perfect gifts 2. Fulfilling unrealistic expectations 3. Satisfying everyone's need to host me 4. Egg nog 5. The tot...

December 1, 2009

New Christmas specials in the age of uninteresting famous people

1. Sean Hannity's War On Christmas Variety Hour 2. Rachael Ray's 30 Minute Ego-Trip: Xmas Edition 3. Sarah Palin's 8 Days of ...

November 30, 2009

My favorite new Roku channels

1. TWIT 2. Revision 3 3. Pandora 4. Mediafly 5. Flickr

November 29, 2009

My 10 favorite COPS characters

1. Casual guy without shirt 2. Girl who didn't know her boyfriend had crack in the car 3. Odd looking hooker who turns out to be a du...

November 28, 2009

Christmas gifts for nerds - part one?

1. Red Shirt Cologne 2. Tauntaun Sleeping Bag 3. Wonder Twins Costume Shirts Zan and Jayna 4. Live Long and Prosper Stadium Hand 5. L...

November 27, 2009

Big band leaders whose names weren't Goodman, Dorsey, or Miller

1. Artie Shaw 2. Paul Whiteman 3. Jimmie Lunceford 4. Stan Kenton 5. Tex Beneke 6. Woody Herman 7. Lionel Hampton 8. Duke Ellington ...

November 26, 2009

5 ways to burn extra Thanksgiving calories

1. Snoring 2. Making turkey sandwiches 3. Burping 4. The Deuce 5. Squabbling

November 25, 2009

What Fox News viewers are thankful for this season

1. Sean Hannity 2. Glenn Beck 3. Being white 4. Sarah Palin 5. Michelle Malkin 6. Being Christian 7. Ann Colter 8. Michelle Baughman 9...

November 24, 2009

What zombies are thankful for this season

1. Brains 2. Brains 3. Brains 4. Brains 5. Brains 6. Brains 7. Brains 8. Brains 9. Brains 10. Mountain Dew

November 23, 2009

What hobos are thankful for this season

1. Sturdy bindle sticks 2. Pull-top cans of beans 3. Slow trains 4. A stew-pot and a bell can bankroll a trip south 5. Rubber souled sh...

November 22, 2009

What nerds are thankful for this season

1. Specialty graphic t-shirts 2. Archival storage supplies 3. Remastered re-releases 4. Mountain Dew 5. Easter Eggs 6. Olivia Munn 7. ...

November 21, 2009

6 common excuses of a daily lister

1. It's late 2. My job hurt my brain 3. I shouldn't have had the fourth beer 4. I've already done that list 5. That sounds l...

November 20, 2009

People who were not born in Australia

1. Nicole Kidman - born in Hawaii lived in DC until 3 2. Mel Gibson - born in Peekskill, NY, moved to Australia at 12 3. Colin Hay, lead ...

November 19, 2009

What New Moon is not

1. Literature 2. Culturally rich 3. Intended for adults 4. Original 5. Significant enough to explain every media outlets slavish devoti...

November 18, 2009

5 reasons you are lowering the national IQ

1. Led Zepplin, The Doors, and Pearl Jam are considered popular "classic" rock bands. 2. Fox News viewers represent approximately...

November 17, 2009

8 great enemy hordes

1. Nazis 2. Zombies 3. Orcs 4. Ninjas 5. Romulans 6. Aliens 7. Apes, a planet full of them 8. Commies

November 16, 2009

Who's trying to bring down Sarah Palin

1. John McCain's staff 2. Newsweek 3. Katie Couric 4. David Letterman 5. Canadian Shock Jocks 6. Newspapers 7. Russians (always b...

November 15, 2009

Honest to God* legal advice from Toyota concerning potential floor mat interference with the accelerator recall

1. Dislodge the floor mat and pull safely to the side of the road. 2. Use Sat-Nav to identify area pillow factories. Drive around the fact...

November 14, 2009

5 reasons I have a hard time going to community theater performances

1. 1 minute of professional theater performace = 3 minutes of community theater performance so it becomes an endurance event. 2. It's ...

November 13, 2009

10 great cheese soufles from the 70s

1. Fox On The Run - Sweet 2. Run, Joey, Run - David Geddes 3. The Night Chicago Died -Paper Lace 4. Little Willie - Sweet (again!) 5. ...

November 12, 2009

5 websites for old movie fans

1. Turner Classic Movies 2. IMDB 3. Dr. Macro 4. Find A Grave - for closure 5. New York Times movie review archive Looking for a rev...

November 11, 2009

The down-side to be a tenured faculty member

1. It's nearly impossible to find an event with free food on a daily basis so you have to budget money to feed yourself. Meals should...

November 10, 2009

Potential names for my new band (once I develop a musical talent)

1. The Jamburglars 2. Nerds of Steel 3. Gin and Tectonics 4. The Hum Bugs 5. Salieri's Cellmates 6. The Honey Wannabees 7. H.R. F...

November 9, 2009

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart?

1. Who again? 2. Are they t-shirt designers for awkward 19 year-old girls who are going to community college to hone their fan fic skills?...

November 8, 2009

3 strangely named things which are perfectly fine in their own right but when consumed together lead to a poor night's sleep

1. Feijoada 2. Caipirinha 3. Zyrtec

November 7, 2009

The My Daily List fall fashion line.

Brought to you by the official My Daily List embroiderer, Embroidea For all of your fine embroidery, contact Embroidea. If they can hoop ...

November 6, 2009

Comic book collections for the less nerdy reader

1. Moon Shadow 2. Fables 3. Y The Last Man 4. The Unwritten

November 5, 2009

20 Johnny Mercer songs you ought to be listening to.

1. Glow Worm 2. Ac-cent-tchu-ate the Positive 3. Baby, It's Cold Outside 4. Satin Doll 5. Any Place I Hang My Hat Is Home 6. Strip...

November 4, 2009

A few immutable laws of beer.

1. To buy good beer, look for cheap beer or expensive beer. Everything in the middle range is garbage marketed to people who don't rea...

November 3, 2009

5 100-calorie packs I'm waiting to see in my grocery store.

1. Pot roast 2. Fried chicken 3. Nachos Supreme 4. Strawberry cream cheese croissant 5. Chilli (not misspelled.)

November 2, 2009

General impressions of Frazier . . . I mean Kelsey Grammar's new sitcom

1. Grammar seems to be represented by the same agency that gets reality show stars work in celebrity dunk tanks. 2. His character is suffe...

November 1, 2009

On this Day of the Dead, 10 people who would make the world a better place if they were still among the living

1. Fred Astaire 2. Jim Henson 3. John Lennon 4. Jimmy Stewart 5. Flip Wilson 6. Bert Convey 7. Charles Nelson Reilly 8. Blossom Dear...

October 31, 2009

Things I saw too many of this Halloween

1. Cute little girls dressed as princesses at my front door when I hadn't bought any candy. 2. Average looking women trying too hard. ...

October 30, 2009

10 things you should not be giving trick-or-treaters this Halloween.

1. Necco Wafers 2. Malt liquor 3. Zero candy bars - what's with that white, waxy mocklate? 4. Black licorice and/or black jelly beans 5....

October 29, 2009

5 reasons that My Daily List hasn't been daily for a few days.

1. I ate a 5 pound bag of sugar and I've been in a coma. 2. I've been inconsolable since Louie Vito got kicked off Dancing With St...

October 26, 2009

10 bird songs

1. Blackbird 2. Keep Your Eye On The Sparrow (Theme from Baretta) 3. When Doves Cry 4. Fly Like An Eagle 5. Rockin' Robin 6. Dixie...

October 25, 2009

5 cream-filled donuts to avoid.

1. Creamed corn 2. Creamed herring 3. Brylcreme 4. Disreali Gears, Wheels of Fire, Goodbye and other Cream albums 5. CREEM Magazine - i...

October 24, 2009

5 signs that it's fall

1. Carmel apples 2. Hay bales 3. Yellow and red leaves 4. Bonfires 5. Douchebags shopping for Captain Condom Halloween costumes

October 23, 2009

5 reasons I don't love puppies

1. You can't get through a single play in touch football without them whining. And yelping. 2. They do pretty well if you if fluff th...

October 22, 2009

5 reasons I love puppies

1. They float most of the time. 2. If dropped they tend to bounce - less so if thrown. 3. Pelts are perfectly sized for a single glove - ...

October 21, 2009

5 signs that you may have Narcissistic tendencies

1. You sign your name with your full name, initials, and nickname in quotes. 2. You mark weight fluctuations in tenths of a pound (which m...

October 20, 2009

The 10 traits of my dream secretary.

1. The ability to perform simple tasks without detailed instructions or heavy reliance upon the autonomic nerve system. 2. The ability to ...

October 19, 2009

Based solely upon anti-Nazi propaganda movies of the early 1940s, 5 positive traits of the Gestapo.

1. They really were attractive and physically fit. 2. Their clothes were always freshly pressed and they accessorized well. 3. Their devotio...

October 18, 2009

A complete list of Beatles "love" songs

1. Words of Love 2. And I Love Her 3. Can't Buy Me Love 4. You've Got To Hide Your Love Away 5. It's Only Love 6. All You ...

October 17, 2009

5 key components to wedding receptions.

1. Cake 2. Free alcohol 3. Chicken Dances 4. Sir Mix-a-lot 5. People you've never met

October 16, 2009

5 insecurities Madison Avenue would prey upon if they were marketing dog products directly to dogs and not their owners.

1. Crusty paw pads 2. Stagnant dog food breath 3. Carpet incontinence 4. Graying facial fur 5. Impacted anal glands

October 15, 2009

5 things you shouldn't pick-up off the floor to eat without very close inspection

1. Morsels of chocolate 2. Grains of rice 3. Tic Tacs 4. Milk duds 5. Fun-sized Baby Ruth bars

October 14, 2009

Pairings that should be discouraged

1. Peanut butter and jellyfish 2. Jon and Kate 3. Ballerinas and banditos 4. Habenero chilies and bath water 5. Incompetent fools and p...

October 13, 2009

5 things they should add to the office supply catalog

1. Cast iron frying pans 2. Baseball bats 3. Giant boulders hanging from fraying ropes 4. Anvil 5. Straight jacket emitting bazookas

October 12, 2009

10 reasons that Chicago State University is great.

1. Campus roofs do not leak for the most part. 2. Tuesdays are sloppy joe day in campus food service. 3. Student life hires a comic hypno...

October 11, 2009

5 great bloggers

Hey, look, I won something. Frank at I Probably Don't Like You just happened to be looking at blogs that compared Fred Astaire to Kany...

October 10, 2009

What other Illinois state universities think of Chicago State University

1. Smells like old milk 2. Has the endowment of a toddlers ballet school. 3. Committed to educating tomorrow's Chicago Transit Authority...

October 9, 2009

7 reasons that Fred Astaire is cooler than Kanye West.

1. Fred Astaire was able to express dejection, love, passion, playfulness and dozens of other emotions with his singing and dancing. Kanye W...

October 8, 2009

Adjectives from work

1. lazy 2. shortsighted 3. apathetic 4. opportunistic 5. stupid 6. slothful 7. dormant 8. spiteful 9. worthless 10. chiseling

October 7, 2009

To-Do List

1. Rewrite Bible to remove liberal bias 2. Look into Jon Goslin's $200,000 withdrawal to fund his extravagant bachelor's pad in Tr...

October 6, 2009

5 reasons to hole-up at Gander Mountain in the event of a zombie invasion.

1. Guns and ammo, baby. 2. Not only are there boatloads of bows and arrow, certified instructors are on staff to train you. 3. Copious am...

October 5, 2009

10 ways to make faculty happy.

1. Map their daily paths and provide free food every 20 yards. 2. Thank them vociferiously for every bit of wisdom they pass along to you ...

October 4, 2009

15 narrative Beatles songs with the lead character's name in the title.

1. Julia 2. The Continuing Story of Bungalow BIll 3. Rocky Racoon 4. Sexy Sadie 5. Lady Madonna 6. Hey Jude 7. Martha My Dear 8. Ann...

October 3, 2009

Marie Claire listed the reasons men give for dumping women, but they missted these.

1. You got fat. 2. My World of Warcraft team deserves my full attention. 3. Remember that time you bent down and accidentally farted . . ...

October 2, 2009

6 reasons that Rio beat out Chicago for the 2016 Summer Olympics

1. Women in Rio have big round ba-dun-ka-dunk bottoms. Women in Chicago have big lumpy big-dump-a-truck bottoms. 2. The signature drink o...

October 1, 2009

Sure fire ways to tell the difference between a hobo and a hippie

1. Hobos travel from town to town in search of easy marks while hippies travel from town to town in search of Widespread Panic concerts. 2....

September 30, 2009

The wisdom of Rick Springfield

1. I'm so scared and isolated in a modern world. We all need a human touch. 2. Don't talk to strangers, baby don't you talk. ...

September 29, 2009

5 ways that douchebags can show their indiviuality

1. Bud Light Classic - all the taste of Budweiser once you've added water. 2. Bud Light Lime - the perfect choice for alcoholics with ...

September 28, 2009

Advice to hippies

1. Take a few moments away from protesting globalization to take a bath. 2. Dancing is the rhythmic or artistic interpretation of music, n...

September 27, 2009

Foods named after people

1. Pizza Margherita 2. Peach Melba 3. Cesar Salad 4. Nachos 5. German Chocolate Cake 6. Bananas Foster 7. Cherry Garcia 8. Cobb Sala...

September 26, 2009

6 good-looking hoods from the Mother Road Festival

September 25, 2009

Answers from the tenth round of trivia night

1. Fiona Apple/The Beatles - Across the Universe 2. Garth Brooks/KISS - Hard Luck Woman 3. Ray LaMontagne/Gnarls Barkley - Crazy 4. Aimee Ma...

September 24, 2009

8 potential 2026 yearbook pictures for my nephew

Thanks to some sophisticated physio-anthropological software on my iPhone, I am able to peek 17 years into the future to see what my nephew ...

September 23, 2009

5 balloons that suck

1. Angioplasty balloon 2. Balloon payments 3. Pokemon balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving parade 4. A water balloon filled with pee 5...

September 22, 2009

5 totally fascinating things that happened on Facebook today.

1. Bob reached the next level in Mafia Wars. 2. Phyllis scored Super Glue on the What Inanimate Object Are You quiz. 3. Joannie is totall...

September 21, 2009

Advice to America's youth from Walter Breuning, the world's oldest man, on his 113th birthday.

1. zzzzzzzzzz *snort* zzzzzzzzzzzzz 2. Shut up ya little monsters 3. What we need is a good war . . . 4. What? Who's Burt Day? Are...

September 20, 2009

5 key elements of Julie Roberts appeal.

1. Her chicklet teeth. 2. Her dead soulless eyes. 3. Her Heath-Ledger-Joker mouth. 4. Her wooden acting style. 5. The fact that she rar...

September 19, 2009

Movies from the 1980s that I probably never need to see again.

1. Breakfast Club 2. Any Police Academy movie 3. 48 Hours 4. Any Nightmare on Elm Street movie 5. Cocktail (ok, I've never actually...

September 18, 2009

Mostly forgotten 80's movies that might be worth another look.

1. Quest for Fire 2. My Beautiful Laundrette 3. The Boy Who Could Fly 4. Angel Heart 5. Brazil 6. Dangerous Liaisons 7. Dreamscape 8. ...

September 17, 2009

Types of dog vomit you might step in while walking barefoot through my house

1. Unchewed treats 2. Mostly water, partly phlegm 3. Things and that shouldn't have been eaten covered in slime. 4. Dinner (Looks ju...

September 16, 2009

Pile on Kanye!!

1. Most people got to ignore the fact that Leno's back but he had to attend a taping. 2. His untreated diseased of the central nervous...

September 15, 2009

10 facts about Leonard Rhomberg who is celebrating his 50th anniversary at McDonald's he started working at when he was 18.

1. He never played the "I quit" card so he never got that Saturday night off and missed every wedding he was ever invited to atte...

September 14, 2009

10 reasons why I should be famous.

1. I need a good reason to claim that I'm exhausted. 2. I forget what I look like so it would be convenient to be on magazine covers. ...

September 13, 2009

The backbones of the salad bowl.

1. Rocket 2. Endive 3. Iceberg 4. Romaine 5. Bibb 6. Watercress 7. Radicchio 8. Spinach 9. Mesclun 10. Arugula

September 11, 2009

The Tea-Baggers are back! Ok, you can stop paying taxes as long as you agree to the following concessions.

1. You are no longer allowed to use streets or highways. 2. You are now officially responsible for educating your children rather than jus...

September 10, 2009

5 Powell/Pressburger movies you should watch so you can sound more interesting to your highbrow friends.

1. The Life and Times of Colonel Blimp 2. The Red Shoes 3. The 49th Parallel 4. I Know Where I'm Going 5. Black Narcissus - easily ...

September 9, 2009

Anagrams for "Glenn Beck is a moron."

Greenback Inn Looms Semblance Goon Rink Embracing Kens Loon A Noblemen Corks Gin Blacken Omens Groin A Broken Con Mingles Beacon Longer Mink...

September 8, 2009

5 mostly true facts about Glenn Beck.

1. He is pursuing a stand-up comedy career. 2. He cuts his own hair while looking at his image reflected in the knob on the cabinet in whi...

September 7, 2009

8 indications that I'm getting old

1. Youngsters annoy me. 2. Today's music is just noise 3. I like those pants with the invisible elastic - sansabelt 4. MLC Cafeteria...

September 6, 2009

5 reasons I'm rewatching LOST from the beginning.

1. I still have no idea what the monster is. 2. 10 episodes the main characters caged in a zoo must mean something. 3. Nikki and Paulo mu...

September 5, 2009

You know you're a commie if . . .

1. You went to a school that taught Liberal Arts. 2. You think Giterdone is the title of a self-help movement. 3. You've donated mone...

September 4, 2009

Why I turned off The Spirit after 15 minutes

1. It was poorly written 2. It was poorly directed 3. It was poorly acted 4. It bore no resemblance to its source material 5. Allowing ...

September 3, 2009

The September banned list - please update your systems accordingly.

1. Divas 2. Madonnas (living) 3. Hasselhoffs 4. Hurricanes 5. Overly produced reality shows (you may edit but don't arrange reality...

September 2, 2009

10 things I'd want from Windows 7, if I were going to buy it

1. It should turn on and be ready to use within 5 minutes 2. It should allow me to do what I'd like to do within asking me if I really...

September 1, 2009

Judging criteria for Miss Cougar America

15% - creative spackling 15% - aura of desperate sluttiness 15% - fashion statement employing Hello Kitty wear and tiny backpacks 15% - comm...

August 31, 2009

If my job were food it would be . . .

1. A stack of pancakes with maple syrup washed down with a big class of grapefruit juice. 2. Braunschweiger soup 3. Peppermint tongue san...

August 30, 2009

Really good documentaries I watched I Roku

1. Z Channel: A Magnificent Obsession 2. King of Kong 3. I Like To Kill Flies 4. Harvard Beat Yale 29-29

August 29, 2009

10 arguments in the same vein as "It was an awfully cool August so there's no such thing as global warming."

1. I didn't die today so I must be immortal. 2. I didn't have to go into work today so I must be unemployed. 3. It's not my b...

August 28, 2009

Things that are tucked inside H.R. 3200 - for God's sake read the bill!

1. Cash for Kidneys organ harvesting program 2. Government mandated cancer 3. Government option is a punchcard which allows five medical...

August 27, 2009

10 things, other than ketchup, that are tasty with french fries.

1. Habanero honey (this is also my stripper name) 2. Cocktail sauce 3. Welsh rarebit sauce 4. Vinegar 5. Gravy 6. Oregano and lemon ju...

August 26, 2009

10 words you can use to insult stupid people

1. Prevaricate 2. Abscond 3. Finagle 4. Controvert 5. Repine 6. Atrabilious 7. Pernicious 8. Edacious 9. Rapacious 10. Anesthetic

August 25, 2009

Plaid things that are kinda cool

1. Scotch Brand Invisible Tape 2. Rowdy Roddy Piper 3. Butterscotch Schnapps bottles 4. Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 5. Catholic schoo...

August 24, 2009

6 dicey live-action children's programs from my youth

1. The Harlem Globetrotters Popcorn Machine - with Rodney Allen Rippy 2. Shazam/Isis 3. Eltra-Woman and Dynagirl/Dr. Shrinker 4. Far Out...

August 23, 2009

What to expect on the first day of the school year.

1. No parking spaces 2. Returning students happy to be back (until the homework starts) 3. People who look lost 4. Crazy people (they al...

August 22, 2009

State fair combinations that I enjoy

1. Corn dogs and lemon shake-ups 2. Tube tops and tans 3. Carnival rides and screaming kids 4. Rainstorms and beer tents 5. Curry and i...

August 21, 2009

10 State Fair combinations I could do without.

1. Cankles and stretch pants 2. Eating dinner and the wafting aroma a cow dung 3. Cheap beer and high prices 4. Cover bands and function...

August 20, 2009

More productive uses for cable news people

1. Spittoons 2. Door stops. (This will require them to develop a higher-level skill set.) 3. Boiler fuel for low-income housing. (Glenn...

August 19, 2009

Other people who we might stash away in Gitmo.

1. Vegans 2. People who use the word "bling" 3. Everyone appearing on a reality show broadcast on E!, TLC, or Bravo including a...

August 18, 2009

10 indications that My Daily List has jumped the shark

1. There's only so many things you can say about hobos, junk food, old movies, and Sarah Palin. 2. Other bloggers show the common dece...

August 17, 2009

Top ten leading ladies of the past decade

Jeve wondered who today's Top Ten might be so here's my shot: 1. Sandra Bullock (ok) 2. Meryl Streep (ok) 3. Renee Zellweger (Sp...

August 16, 2009

In no particular order, the top ten Hollywoon leading ladies of the Depression era.

1. Barbara Stanwyck 2. Kay Francis 3. Jean Arthur 4. Irene Dunne 5. Myrna Loy 6. Bette Davis 7. Carole Lombard 8. Kathryn Hepburn 9....

August 15, 2009

In no particular order, the top ten Hollywoon leading men of the Depression era.

1. Cary Grant 2. Spencer Tracy 3. James Cagney 4. Clark Gable 5. William Powell 6. Robert Montgomery 7. Gary Cooper 8. Paul Muni 9. ...

August 14, 2009

5 things comic nerds have been up to since Comic Con

1. Just coming up for air after weeks of reading back issues. 2. Tirelessly logging their displeasure with the GI Joe movie on website thr...

August 13, 2009

What you need to do to dismantle MY America.

1. Close all of the sno-cones stands. 2. Ban iPhone games. 3. Pay attention to morons who repeat what they've been told. 4. Add frui...

August 12, 2009

what I did with all my free time today

1. Took a brisk walk to the end of my desk and back 2. Hurried 3. Exhaled 4. Worried about the dismantling of my America 5. Stupid list

August 10, 2009

What Rep. Redstate actually has on his Day Planner

8:00 - 900 - Wake up!!! I don't care which whore you woke up next to, get to the office. 9:00 - 9:45 - Score some coke. 9:45 - 10:00 - ...

What Rep. Redstate would like you to think is his Day Planner has in store for him.

8:00 - 9:00 - Prayer breakfast 9:00 - 9:45 - Read all of the bills currently under discussion - take your time and read slowly and carefully...

August 9, 2009

10 favorite iPhone games.

1. Fieldrunners 2. The Deep (pinball) 3. Squares 4. Flight Control 5. Peggle 6. Unblock Me 7. Nine Gaps 8. The Price Is Right 9. Mo...

August 7, 2009

Did I mention I saw the world's scariest bug? Here are some other bugs.

This bad boy was an inch long 1. Dune Buggy by The Presidents of the United States 2. Bugs Bunny 3. The Bugaloos - like H.R. Puffinstuff ...

August 6, 2009

A plan in development: How to deal with the national crisis that is E! televsion network.

1. Airlift Joel McHale and his fellow writers to a better basic cable network. 2. Poison the vats of spray-tan in the TMZ 3. Make the pap...

August 5, 2009

sugar is to sweet as Dead Head is to . . .

1. Entering third decade of living in parents' house. 2. Needs a bath, haircut, shave. 3. Isn't sure where they left their van. 4...

August 4, 2009

My life (my life) would not suck (would not suck) without you.

1. Comcast Cable 2. Politicians 3. Richard Marx 4. Tie-dyed shirts 5. Unnecessarily fat people (chunky is fine, big-boned is fine, but ...

August 3, 2009

Why yesterday's list didn't appear until today

1. Comcast employees occasionly mistake wires for black licorice. 2. Comcast Internet service is designed to work ONLY if you don't us...

August 2, 2009

Mydailylist's guide to understanding the symptoms of depression (and determining if you need a happy pill.)

1. Do you not want to get up in the morning to go to your soul-numbing job? 2. When meeting others, do you wish you could punch them in th...

August 1, 2009

10 comic book movies I'd like to see (and might get to soon in some cases.)

1. Fables 2. Dr. Strange 3. Preacher 4. Kick Ass 5. Micronauts 6. Moon Shadow 7. American Flagg 8. She-Hulk (the clever series not ...

July 31, 2009

Archetypes from your local semi-pro baseball team

1. The Unwashed 2. The Middle-Aged Floozy 3. The Drunks 4. The Formerly Popular in High School Now Bald Douche Guy 5. The Trampy Librar...

July 30, 2009

5 things that Sarah Palin had done since she left office.

1. Took up smoking, bought the patch, quit the habit. 2. Enrolled in Intro to American Government course at the University of Alaska South...

July 29, 2009

Attention TV Big Shots: Here are some dating shows you haven't forced upon us yet.

1. A handsome man finds love among a group of college girls and AARP members - Age Before Booty. 2. A librarian finds her socially awkward...

July 28, 2009

6 Academy Award Best Pictures that most have not watched but which you should watch as soon as possible.

1. It Happened One Night - You'll see this movie reflected in hundreds of other movies produced in the decades that followed. And, it...

July 27, 2009

My least favorite Academy Award winning Best Pictures

1. The Life of Emile Zola - who the hell is Emile Zola? I've watched it and Paul Muni is always great to watch but still . . . yawn. 2....

July 26, 2009

US cities that would make refreshing smoothies.

Oops, I posted this to the wrong blog yesterday. 1. Orange Beach, Alabama 2. Citrus Heights, California 3. Lemon Grove, California 4. Ap...

July 25, 2009

5 evolutionary traits of nerds including those that give them the edge over jocks.

1. Nerds convert Mountain Dew and Skittles into follicle and facial oils, which act as irritants to jock flesh. 2. Glee club provides an op...

July 24, 2009

10 unintentional Comic-Con costumes

1. Mullet Man 2. Desperate Virgin 3. The Completist 4. The Sinister Cleavage Glancer 5. Jiggles, The Sonic Pot-Belly 6. Unfortunate T...

July 23, 2009

Most talented siblings

1. Alec Baldwin 2. Michael Penn 3. Jeb Bush 4. Lionel Barrymore 5. Warren Beatty 6. Pauline Esther Friedman 7. Loretta Lynn 8. Olivi...

July 22, 2009

Tips to help you start your career as a carny.

1. You should expect to provide your own tee-shirts with the sleeves torn off. 2. Fancy professional tattoos are fine but employers will b...

July 21, 2009

8 cars that kinda scare me.

1. AMC Hornet 2. Dodge Super Bee 3. Ford Shelby Cobra 4. Plymouth Fury 5. Dodge Demon 6. Plymouth Barracuda 7. Ford Torpedo Runabout ...

July 20, 2009

Now that I've made the greatest ice cream ever, double chocolate with cayenne and praliened bacon, 5 other flavors I'm considering.

1. Stout beer with chocolate covered pretzel pieces 2. Sweet corn 3. Strawberry Tuaca 4. Sweet potato and brown sugar caramel 5. Lemon ...

July 19, 2009

Great funny movie series kids should be watching (better these than the junk they're watching on cable TV.)

1. Ma and Pa Kettle 2. The Bowery Boys 3. Francis the Talking Mule 4. Abbott and Costello 5. Maisie 6. Road movies 7. Blondie 8. And...

July 18, 2009

Observations on perimenopausal waitresses and exposed boob flesh.

1. A customer should never see a boob tattoo. 2. A cami-top does not become appropriate waitress attire just because you're wearing yo...

July 17, 2009

Women's names that also happen to be pretty good songs.

1. Cecilia by Simon and Garfunkle 2. Gloria by Laura Brannigan (not Van Morrison) 3. Amie by Pure Prairie League 4. Beth by KISS 5. Bra...

July 16, 2009

10 Al Franken questions you didn't hear from the Sotomayor confirmation hearing.

1. Which Brady Bunch girl do you feel best represents your judicial philosophy? 2. I'm okay with this Senate thing 'cause of that ...

July 15, 2009

The Prospect League All-Star game in list form.

1. I think I'll have a beer. 2. Hey, a home run derby! 3. Why do all of these 12 year old girls look like raccoons? Does Sherwin-Wil...

July 14, 2009

10 songs that go poorly with garlic and sunlight.

1. Blood on the Dance Floor by Michael Jackson 2. Raining Blood by Slayer 3. Dracula's Wedding by Outkast 4. Love Bites by Def Leppa...

July 13, 2009

5 Match Game questions found in the Old Testament - Mark Goodson edition.

1. Lot’s wife was a shameless harlot. One night, when they had guests for dinner, another woman’s husband asked her to pass the salt and s...

July 12, 2009

5 ways that cheerleaders are like pancakes.

1. They preferred to be stacked. 2. They'd rather be golden than pale and tepid. 3. They're sticky sweet but too much of them can...

July 11, 2009

Guest List: Attention world, stop using these words and phrases.

This idea comes from Dave. He started a furious email chain of people from 3 states using company time to goof on a Friday morning. At the ...