6 things my dog would say if he spoke English

1. What the cat said. That vet's always shoving things up my ass.
2. You gonna eat that?
3. I appreciate you buying a king-sized mattress and all but things are still a bit tight. You think maybe you could sleep on the floor? Really? That'd be great. You're the best.
4. Wow! I haven't seen you since, like, this morning. Wow!
5. I don't know who those squirrels think they are. Like climbing around in trees is cool or something. No good squirrels. I hate 'em.
6. You know what I could go for? Cat vomit. I mean that hard crunchy food you buy is great and all, but you can't beat cat vomit. If I was on death row, that would be my request for a last meal.