Now that Rod Blagojevich has no income, 10 classic ad campaigns his PR people are trying to revive so that he can endorse the products

1. Brillcreme - A little vat'll do ya
2. CoCo Puffs - I'm cuckoo and I eat CoCo Puffs
3. Calgon - Lock me away
4. Charmin Toilet Tissue - Cellmate, please don't squeeze my "charmin"
5. Almond Joy - Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you do
6. Trident Gum - 4 out of 5 state senators surveyed recommended I be removed from office. Okay, it was 5 out of 5.
7. Ivory Soap - 99 and 44/100th percent guilty
8. Libby's Canned Food - If it says Blago, Blago, Blago on the label, label, label, you must pay him, pay him, pay him, under the table, table, table.
9. Memorex - Is it live or effin' Memorex
10. Sara Lee - Everybody doesn't like something but nobody doesn't not like me.

Now that he's been removed from office and banned from holding office in Illinois, 5 ways that Rod Blagojevich can keep his personal quest for the Presidency alive.

1. He doesn't actually live or work in Springfield so there's no reason in the world that he can't keep up his Chicago-based Governorship as if nothing has changed.
2. Have an affair with Sarah Palin. Name love child Spork Palin - the part that shovels is Palin and pricks are Blagojevich.
3. He could get a job with a Chicago-area Morning Zoo radio show. They always need a mentally unstable stooge who's willing to get tazed or stand out in sub-zero weather in nothing but tightie-whities all for the chance to feel the limited spotlight of local fame.
4. Change name to Barack Obama. Hope no one notices.
5. Convince a University of Illinois professor to nominate you for the Nobel Peace Prize.

5 more television programs on which Rod Blagojevich plans to appear

1. COPS (although he was arrested by FEDS)
2. Shear Genius
3. To Tell the Truth (yes, it's no longer broadcast but once Blago sets his mind on something you can't convince him he's wrong)
4. Trading Spaces (his Chicago-area home for a Federal prison cell)
5. Divorce Court (he's booked for this show sometime next year)

5 things you'd find in Rod Blagojevich's hair.

1. An FBI listening device hidden during his weekly grooming.
2. A metal file he's stashed for his eventual imprisonment.
3. More hair - he has rows of scalps much like sharks have rows of teeth.
4. Amelia Earhart, D.B. Sweeney, and Jimmy Hoffa. They're living a comfortable life in a 3 bedroom cottage just north of his left ear.
5. A numbskull