5 gimmicks, other than suspending your Presidential campaign (while continuing to campaign), that will solve our financial crisis.

1. Insist for an additional $20 billion to encourage Taco Bell corporate management to return the Chicken Ranch Gordita to the menu. It won't help the economy, but they are filling and will be necessary when we can only afford to eat twice a week.

2. Put all of our national reserves into Chicago Cub products. If they win World Series, that stuff will be worth a fortune.

3. Assure the country that you have top secret plan to resolve the crisis which you keep with your top secret plan to capture Bin Laden and which you'll put into action once elected.

4. Attend debate, look opponent directly in the eye, and in a firm voice say, "A person incapable of leading us through this crisis says 'what'."

5. Tell those who are actually working on an agreement to salvage our economy that you will hold your breathe until they agree on something.