10 things John McCain jotted on his legal pad with his Sharpie.

1. Ask intern to use his new-fangled cell phone to order 100 pizzas to be delivered to Obama.

2. Don't forget to refer to crowd as 'my friends'.

3. Black suit is hot under these lights. Consider kilt.

4. Punch Tom Brokaw in the throat.

5. October surprise idea! Ask John Wayne to be secretary of kick-ass. Wait, is John Wayne alive? Okay then, Charlton Heston. He's alive, right? Steve McQueen? Magnum PI?

6. Hey Mr. Tal-i-ban, Tal-i me ba-na-na.

7. Suspend campaign so you can help fold up chairs when we finish tonight.

8. Ask Sarah to give Cindy make-up tips so she doesn't look so racoonish at my Inauguration.

9. Pollster, I hardly know her.

10. Secret plan to catch Bin Laden: one-billion dollar bill, fishing line, handgun.