Christmas toasts for all.

1. To politicians - May you retire from office with honor before we ever discover what you did.
2. To celebutantes - May the cameras never run out of film, may you never suffer the weight of purpose, and may your mugshots always be fashionable.
3. To CEOs - May your parachutes always be golden platinum.
4. To hoboes - May your life be rich in pies cooling on the window sill and poor in railroad detectives clubbing you on the head.
5. To crazy cat ladies - May you have a kitty vest for every occasion and may life always be as fresh as recently sprayed Febreeze.
6. To smokers - May the weather outside your office building always be warm and sunny.
7. To bloggers - May the world one day recognize your genius and elevate you to your rightful status. Oh, and may you get a life.
8. To pundits - May your words never be hindered by reason, sense or reality and may someone always be willing to point a camera at you in 3 minute increments.
9. To Joe the Plumber - May you forever be the middle-aged, angry bald guy's Madonna.
10. To everyone else - May you have a merry and safe Christmas.