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January 23, 2009

5 ways our country might have benefited had we shown the wisdom to put a hobo in the White House.

1. A hobo would have met with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, told him a sad story about his abusive father and ended up getting a confirmable cessation of the Iranian nuclear program as well as a plate of hot beef stew and a five dollar bill.
2. A hobo would have solved our unemployment problem one odd job, mowed lawn, or painted fence at a time.
3. A hobo would have ended our mortgage crisis by pushing for a stimulus package that provided bindles and tattered suit coats to anyone in danger of losing their home so that they could hit the open road and sleep under the stars.
4. A hobo would have moved the US capital from Washington DC to Britt, Iowa. The government could have operated just as effectively but for much less cost in the hobo capital and DC could have been sold off to rich robber-barons.
5. A hobo would have declared "Big Rock Candy Mountain" as our unofficial national anthem and the lure of cigarette trees and hens that lay soft-boiled eggs would have led us all to a new age of cooperation and unity.

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