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February 6, 2009

5 who deserve being Christian Baled

We have a new national hero in Christian Bale. It’s about time someone had the courage to cuss out an incompetent co-worker. If more of us Christian Baled on the simpletons with whom we have the misfortune of working along side each day, the world would be a better place. So go on, Christian Bale them. I’ve created a simple graphic that you can send them in a follow-up email so that they know, “Hey, nothing personal, you’re just useless.”

Here is a brief list of those who deserve a good Christian Baleing.

1. Congress. Republican or democrat, it doesn’t matter, you’re all useless. You probably can’t even play Marco Polo at the Congressional pool since you’d have to check with your caucus to see if it was okay to say ‘Polo.’
2. Joe the Plumber. Yeah, I know I keep harping on him but he won’t go away. Would someone please poor some salt on this slug? Either that or put him in Congress where he belongs.
3. Rachael Raye. Let me get this straight. An unemployed girl does a cable access show in which she proves that you can make a sandwich in 30 minutes and this naturally leads to multiple television shows, a magazine, dog food, kitchen equipment etc etc etc? She’s the Joe the Plumber of mac and cheese. (Dear God, if she reads this, she’ll take that as a compliment!)
4. Dogs. They pee on nearly everything, eat cat poop, lick themselves, smell to high heaven, expect food and treats, drool on everything they haven’t already peed on, stick their noses in our crotches, scoot their asses across our carpets, eat too fast so that the vomit, chew our remote controls, and wake us up much too early so that they can go outside.
5. Beyonce. I’ll hold my tongue since Etta James just gave her a good old-fashioned Christian Baleing. “I tell you, that woman he (Obama) has singing for him, singing my song, she gonna get her ass whipped ... I can’t stand Beyonce, she had no business up there singing ... my song that I’ve been singing forever.” The only thing I can add is that Beyonce isn’t a name. From here on out, I’m calling her Agnes, as in, “Hey Agnes, you suck.”

1 comment:

  1. I like Rachael Ray's show! You should replace her with all the other cooking shows.