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February 1, 2009

5 reasons I'm not watching the Super Bowl.

1. I once went to a pee-wee league football game and got upset about a call. I argued with the referee and eventually threw my Cosmopolitan in his face so my probation forbids me from watching sporting events. (This was when Sex and the City first came on HBO and my wife had me drinking Cosmos all the time. In retrospect, this wasn't my most manly moment.)
2. I limit my exposure to homoerotic content to Steve Reeves movies.
3. I'm allergic to chicken wings.
4. Still sore about that football player breaking my sternum.
5. Higher than average IQ acts as a football filter. My brain only registers the roar of the crowd so I don't actually perceive football on the physical plane.

(All right, I'm sorta watching the game but I don't really care.)

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