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July 18, 2009

Observations on perimenopausal waitresses and exposed boob flesh.

1.  A customer should never see a boob tattoo.
2.  A cami-top does not become appropriate waitress attire just because you're wearing your dress bra with it.
3.  If your stomach extends further from your spine than your boobs, then your boobs should be covered.
4.  If your boobs have the appearance of an old balloon that is no longer inflated, then your boobs should be covered.
5.  If any two of the following adjectives apply to your boobs, then your boobs should be covered:  speckled, wrinkled, tanned (as in leather), pockmarked, stretchmarked, hickie, poorly enhanced.
6.  If your boobs have finished their shift, then they should not be sitting at the bar drinking.  Your boobs should go home and cover themselves.
7.   If the boob within your bra is held firm but the old fleshy boob up near your chin(s) jiggles uncontrollably, then your boobs should be covered.
8.  Whatever it is that you're carrying to my table, it should not come into contact with your boobs, in particular your exposed boob skin.


  1. EWWW!! I sincerely hope that this isn't in response to any restraunt I'VE been too! Yikes!

  2. I shall adjust my wardrobe accordingly!