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September 8, 2009

5 mostly true facts about Glenn Beck.

1. He is pursuing a stand-up comedy career.
2. He cuts his own hair while looking at his image reflected in the knob on the cabinet in which he keeps his cereal.
3. His first job at Fox was Tucker Carlson's fluffer.
4. He also cries when he gets stopped for a speeding ticket, during tax audits, when advertisers abandon his show - pretty much whenever he thinks squirting a few will help.
5. He doesn't necessarily believe what he says. He just imagines what you need to hear to add credence to your craziest beliefs because it makes him a LOT of money.


  1. I think that #5 is the honest truth about him and many other on the mainsteam to fringes of the conservative movement.

  2. He gets hard when people kiss his pinkie ring. Only he doesn't have a pinkie ring.

  3. Big Mark: I hate fringe conservatives and liberals alike. A moron is a moron.

    Unicorns: Thank you, now I have to get that image out of my mind.