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September 1, 2009

Judging criteria for Miss Cougar America

15% - creative spackling
15% - aura of desperate sluttiness
15% - fashion statement employing Hello Kitty wear and tiny backpacks
15% - commitment to tanning bed (spray tan allowed but includes a deduction)
15% - hormonal facial hair grooming
15% - boob job
15% - willingness to stand on a stage in front of a bunch of horny men at an age when you should have a greater sense pride and self-worth.


  1. I like the last criteria for a Miss Cougar America applicant. You would think that a woman would have more pride than to purposely de-volve like that.

    Guess they are no more different than men nowadays ... Steve McNair got offed by a 20 year old GIRL ... there is NOTHING a 20 year old girl can do for me, other than bring me my damn order of cheeze fries!!

    So it goes both ways ... only being called a 'sugar daddy' has a better cachet.

  2. lol ... I like the last one. And agree with it completely.

  3. Mark: If I could stand 20 year old women I would have gotten married when I was dating them. They were pains back then so I'm sure the new batch is now.

    Drowsey: Keep representin' real women.

  4. I'm going to a wedding this month that should be almost a cougar convention cleavage-a-thon. I will bring a notepad and see if your 15 percents all add up.