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November 4, 2009

A few immutable laws of beer.

1. To buy good beer, look for cheap beer or expensive beer. Everything in the middle range is garbage marketed to people who don't really like beer but who need to be drunk in order to reproduce and/or to perpetuate their douchbaggery.
2. If you insist, you may add a lime or lemon wedge, a slice of orange for you Blue Moon weirdos, or tomato juice to your beer. You should avoid buying beer that adds these flavoring for you.
3. There is no such thing as a berry-flavored beer.
4. They make lite beer the same way the may lite pancake syrup - start with the original product and add water until you achieve your caloric goal. You can drink it if you insist but you could save 50% if you just bought regular beer and added your own water.
5. You don't need to go overboard, like wine experts, but you should be able to describe the taste of beer. If you can't, you're likely one of the people I described in #1.
6. You should avoid any beer labeled as "Ice" or marketed with mountains that turn blue when the bottle is ice-cold. If they tell you to drink it ice-cold, they're really telling you that you need to numb your taste buds since this stuff tastes skunky.
7. Yes, it is true. Krausening means that they've peed in the beer vat.

1 comment:

  1. I know this is an older post but once again you have missed the boat on beer too. Not only was your pizza laws wrong these are actually worse.