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June 30, 2008

10 US Census data points that should be collected so I know where to live

1. Showgirls who wash their cars a lot.
2. People who view mowing their neighbors' lawns as good exercise.
3. Employers who believe in naps, massage therapy, and allowing you to bring your dog to work.
4. Donut store locations.
5. People who own their own inflatable bouncy houses.
6. People who will let me borrow their trucks when I have something big to move. (Includes only those who have a valid reason to own a truck and excludes trucks with testicles.)
7. British people. (Can be extended to other nationalities as long as the people have cute accents and say colorful things like "gobsmacked," "Bob's your uncle," "knackered."
8. Old people - old enough to be great neighbors but young enough that I might decide to move away before they die.
9. Cartoonists. #3 from the previous list would exclude the drunk guy who does "Mallard Fillmore," although I'm not sure he's a cartoonist. More of an angry mope with a Kolinsky brush and a syndicator.
10. IQ scores.

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