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January 20, 2009

In addition to the Lincoln Bible, other Presidential items that Barack Obama used on his first day in office.

1. As he took his oath of office, he wore a pair of George Washington's wooden underpants beneath his suit.
2. Repurposed a cadre of Cheneybot-2000 Mark III model cyborgs from aggressively attacking the left on Fox News to aggressively attacking the rim on the basketball court.
3. Accepted his duty to begin making minimum payments on Thomas Jefferson's personal debt. It's true what they say about making minimum payments - you'll never pay off the debt.
4. Took the ceremonial inaugural bath in the Taft bathtub using the original Taft bathwater - it is bottled up after each inaugural bath and includes the the schmutz of 17 presidents.
5. His first duty was to add one name to Nixon's enemy list. (He chose Richard Simmons.)
6. He now has unlimited access to the Billy Beer Brewery, which has been in constant, yet secret, production for more than 30 years.

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