1. Glaucoma
2. Real Housewives of Orange County, Atlanta, and New York
3. Conjunctivitis
4. Frank Langella running naked down the hallway in 1997's "Lolita". There was no warning so I couldn't avert my eyes and 12 years later I still can't get it out of my head.
5. Macular Degeneration.
6. Tyra Banks. Watching her opens a direct pathway for uselessness to run between the outside world and my brain.
7. Stargardt's Disease
8. Octomom's pregnant stomach AKA a topographical map of Patagonia.
9. Diabetic Retinopathy
10. Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
March 5, 2009
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