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March 17, 2009

10 reasons I'm not celebratng Saint Patrick's Day.

1. 8 years of wearing forest green Sears Toughskins while attending St. Patrick's Grade School
2. Sandra Day O'Connor's majority opinion in Mississippi University for Women v. Hogan. Thanks to this daughter of Erin, Mr. Hogan got into an all-female nursing school and now we're up to our elbows in murses.
3. It's always best to stay home on the herd-thinning days so that you don't end up as collateral damage. The herd-thinning days are: New Years Eve, Super Bowl Sunday, St. Patrick's Day, Fourth of July, the day before Thanksgiving (when all the fratboys come home), and the first day of squirrel season. Let's face it, no one is hungry enough to rely on squirrel meat so squirrel season is strictly for those who like to drink and shoot at things.
4. Green beer is an affront to humanity.
5. I bought all of The Cranberries CDs but, with the exception of Zombie, all of their songs sound the same. They owe me at least 30 bucks.
6. My doctor has recommended a low-vomit diet.
7. If it weren't for this day and its corned beef dinners, there'd be a whole lot more delicious pastrami in the world.
8. "Dia dhuit" is Irish for "hello" and that's pronounced "djee-ah gwitch." Those letters don't produce those sounds! How can you celebrate a culture that pronounces letters that aren't included in the words!
9. In a world that has produced great pirate names like Black Beard, Redbeard, Capt. William Kidd, and Calico Jack, the most infamous Irish pirate is Grace O'Malley.
10. I have to stay home and vote for that precious Scott MacIntryre on American Idol and I'm pretty sure he's Scottish.


  1. there is nothing wrong with male nurses

  2. Hey, if you've got a thing for dudes in white hose and crepe soled shoes, I'm not going to judge.

  3. Stupid Scott name is clever distraction. Although my parents, grandparents and great grandparents-probably further back, too, are all Scottish, eventually ,they come from Ireland.
    I think everybody does- screw the Olduvai gorge!
    Love your lists, just couldn't be bothered commenting on every single one..
    Oh. My name is Scott.