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April 14, 2009

10 things you can do with all of your extra kittens.

1. It's a bit prosaic but you can't go wrong with kitten juggling.
2. If you've got a lot of dishes to do and can't find the sink stopper, a kitten will work remarkably well after you hold it place for a minute or so.
3. If you're stranded on a deserted island, a kitten on stick will provide a good hour of torch light.
4. Kittens will buff Turtle Wax better than anything else.
5. Caveman clothes for all of your Barbie dolls.
6. If you're a second-string place kicker trying to make the starting line up, kittens make excellent practice balls.
7. Tabby or calico merkins.
8. If you're trapped in the tower of an evil witch, tie kittens together to create a rope down which you can escape.
9. Locate one million kitten and put them in front of one million typewriters. Insist they write the complete works of Shakespeare.
10. Given the fact that kittens run away from dogs, there's no reason that kittens shouldn't win the Iditarod every year.


  1. I'm torn between loving this, and questioning your kitten obsession. The primary problem with kittens is that they turn into cats. Cats can teach teenagers about moods.
    But I loved number ten, ok?

  2. I shouldn't laugh at this (I have three cats) but I can't help it.

    I particularly like the image that "Juggling kittens" conjures up ...




  3. Husbands: I have two cats of my own and my strange new neighbor has three which have decided to live on my porch. Now, one of the neighbor's cats is preggers http://tinyurl.com/cehxqg so I'm just weighing options for what to do with them all.

    Plastic: Juggling kittens is a fine tradition that dates back to the Revolution. Check the Declaration of Independence: it's one of the things King George would not allow the colonies to do. (I"m not sure if Hugh Laurie is George III or IV but could he be responsible for our existence? Is this why our women are so crazy for him?)

  4. This list is the product of a twisted mind, and I mean that as a sincere compliment. #10 actually made me consider the possibility. Hmmm.

  5. JT: There were some kitten uses that I deemed too mean. I did toy with Korean take away and skeet shooting.

  6. I hope never to have kittens. Extra or otherwise.

  7. PMwench: Still it's always worth planning. This weekend, the neighbor's cat, which thinks it live with me, birthed 6 kittens at my front door while I was away at dinner. You should see how shiny my car is.

  8. Another thing you can do with your extra kittens is to carry a spare with you in order to diffuse stressful situations you might find yourself in, like job interviews or hostage crises. Who can resist a kitten?

  9. Nano: You may have created a mobius strip of kittens. Having extra kittens is stressful so you should pull out an spare kitten to pet, which is yet another kitten which is stressful so you pull out a spare kitten to pet . . .