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May 22, 2009

8 hobo bumper stickers

1. I'd rather be tramping
2. If you can read this, you can probably smell me too. Can I use your hose to wash up?
3. I'm walkin' for Jesus and my soles are holey
4. Don't blame me. I don't have a residence so I can't register to vote.
5. My other car is a boxcar
6. I heart sleeping indoors (do you have a spare couch?)
7. I brake for stew!
8. Your Honor Student gave me five bucks to buy him a case of beer.


  1. Hehe.
    "This car is souped up"
    "Napoleon for President"
    "I Sell Blood"

  2. Mister, can you spare $8.25 for a latte?

  3. I saw a real hobo once, years ago. He hung out around the depths of Valley View, amid the old Ohio Canal and Cuyahoga River, the train tracks and industrial buildings. I drank in this one bar down there called Zemba's Zaloon. It was owned my Mickey Zemba. I like Mickey a lot. He took pity on the hobo and let him sleep in the basement of the bar sometimes.

    The hobo was covered in ratty clothing, but the most stunning thing about him was his skin. He was a white guy, but his skin was perfectly black with filth save for two approximate circles around his eyes.

    So I'd see the hobo milling around Zemba's, or sometimes ambling down one of the riverside roads. After a while, he was gone.

  4. Where do hobo's place their bumper stickers exactly?

  5. Husbands: I like when people play along. I was trying to think of a good political one. Hobo elect a king and queen every August in Britt, Iowa so there may be such a bumper sticker somewhere.

    My wife came up with: Pennies, Nickels, Dimes - Change You Can Count On. She's thinks I didn't use it because I'm jealous that I didn't think of it. I just thought it wasn't hobocentric.

    Mother: Back off, I'm the clever one around here! (I'm not really mad, just sad that I didn't think of it - atta girl.)

    Erin: Your name is really Erin O'Brien? That be like my name being Luigi Lambrusco. Doesn't matter, we need more Gaelic commentary so glad to meet ya.

    This is a great story. I love the fact that he left since this is the deciding factor in whether this is a hobo story or a bum story. (I lead an odd life in which understanding the difference between hobos, bums, winos, and vagrants is important.)

  6. Hey, Earl, your mom was just here.

    The irony isn't just that hobos don't have bumpers, they also don't stick them on anything. It's just a hobo art form, like hobo nickels, except this one requires an off-set press and a paper supplier. Once they create them, they just keep them in their bindles (which in today's less glamorous environment is more likely an old Hello Kitty backpack they found than a bandanna tied to a stick.

  7. Hobo bumper stickers are cool. I try to take pity on hobos if I see one.

  8. ImageLuv: Hobos would actually pity you, working for the man, stuck in one place all the time, using a toilet. (Seriously, it's a lifestyle choice. Hobos are necessarily homeless.)