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May 11, 2009

Knocking the 10 happiest countries on Earth off their high-horses.

According to the Organization for Economic Co-Operation and Development (OECD) these are the 10 happiest countries - bunch 'a jerks.

1. Denmark - So if I go all the way to Denmark and want to order a danish for breakfast I have to call it wienerbrod? Ick!
2. Finland - The world's least corrupt country. That's just code for having nothing worth stealing.
3. Netherlands - The world's most egotistical country. "Ooooh, we're THE Netherlands." As far as I know, you're the only Netherlands so stop drawing unnecessary attention to yourself.
4. Sweden - The entire country is made up of medium-density-fiberboard and 5mm by 40mm connector screws. Every three years, Swedes have to rebuild the country from the ground up.
5. Ireland - Geez, who cut one in Macgillicuddy 'cause Macgillicuddy Reeks.
6. Canada - What? You don't have any fine Canadian women to be your Queen?
7. Switzerland - What? It goes by the name Confoederatio Helvetica too? Why would the richest nation on the planet need a secret identity? What are you hiding Switzerland? Or should I call you Confoederatio Helvetica!
8. New Zealand - This country doesn't actually exist. It started out as the setting of an Australian television fantasy program sponsered by Rand McNally. To promote the program, Rand McNally created "New Zealand" as an island above Australia and published it on all of their globes, maps, and atlases. Now we have a bunch of corporate PR shills, like Peter Jackson, pretending they live there just to keep the lie covered up.
9. Norway - Refuses to spell Harold correctly even though they've had 5 chances to do so.
10. Belgium - Stupid Flanders.


  1. I like the idea of geographical anthropomorphism. In South Africa, we are the Nation best kept cheerful by pharmaceuticals and foreign aid. We are clinically happy, which is much, much better than clinically dead.

  2. There is a common thread here - rampant substance abuse. Oh, and possibly bikini models. Kind of obvious once you know what you're looking for.

  3. Stupid Flanders made me LOL.

    By the way, those Netherlanders are a tricky sort. Sometimes they go by the name Holland, and then claim to be Dutch.
    NYC was founded by those Dutch people, and for no particular reason named one boro THE Bronx. All other boros are names like Brooklyn, Manhatten, and so forth. But they had to get one of those "The's" in.
    The Bastages.

  4. Husbands: I geographically anthromoporphized? Cool. Sounds like the US is like South Africa except for us it's pharmaceuticals and Chinese debt.

    DDyer: Nordic women in bikinis must be stoned.

    Da Old Man: Where is the seat of government for THE Netherlands? THE Hauge. (Should I be noting this to DA Old Man?)