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May 1, 2009

My Daily List's Simpletons of the Month - March Edition

1. Dick Cheney for explaining to us how our new ban on torture takes away the tools we need to keep us all safe while insisting that the banned activities are not actually torture.

2. Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich for doing everything he could to join such luminaries as Heidi Montag/Spencer Pratt, Janice Dickinson, and Sanjay Malakar this summer on "I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here." A federal judge is all that stood between us and seeing him scantily dressed in a Costa Rican jungle.

3. Michele Bachman (R MN) for continuing to insist that being a lunatic is the same thing as telling it like it is. Last month she suggested an odd coincidence between Democratic Presidents and swine flu, that America is running out of rich people, that Obama, following in the footsteps of FDR and LBJ, has completed our transition to socialism, and for proposing a Constitutional Amendment to block Obama from adopting a One-World Dollar as our new U.S Currency. If it weren't for patriots like her, Obama would have us neck deep in all sorts of imaginary problems.

4. Carrie Prejean for becoming every man's nightmare: a bikini model who won't shut up.

5. Madonna for trolling Malawi for poor children like a fat guy trolls an all-you-can-eat buffet. I can't help but think that there are Malawi children without parents so why is she so set on taking a second child away from its father?


  1. I'm really out of it. This Michele Bachman is for real? Wow. A-mazing. Talk about comedy gold.

  2. rambler: she is real and recently re-elected to a second term. To be fair to her, her resolution doesn't use the language I've typed here. She saved this gold for Fox News where she is their go to lunatic. You might remember her from last fall when she suggested that Congress investigate itself to find out those members who were unAmerica.