A plan in development: How to deal with the national crisis that is E! televsion network.

1. Airlift Joel McHale and his fellow writers to a better basic cable network.
2. Poison the vats of spray-tan in the TMZ
3. Make the paparazzi an offer they can't refuse.
4. Sit down with the Kardashians and have a heart-to-heart talk in which they come to the realization that they are uninteresting and pudgy.
5. Have Obama make a national address in which he explains that the concept of celebrity news may exist but that "news" implies more than reading US Magazine on the air or telling us that some 14 year-old starlet thinks she'll be a good mom.
6. If Obama national address doesn't work, activate National Guard.