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October 30, 2009

10 things you should not be giving trick-or-treaters this Halloween.

1. Necco Wafers
2. Malt liquor
3. Zero candy bars - what's with that white, waxy mocklate?
4. Black licorice and/or black jelly beans
5. Halloween themed Peeps
6. Swedish Fish - gummy and tasteless all in one fish-shaped package
7. Sour candy. Are today's kids stupid? Candy is sweet, not sour.
8. Smith Brother's Cough Drops
9. Potato Salad - you really need to keep that stuff refrigerated or it'll go bad on you.
10. Individually wrapped dried plums. (They're prunes no matter how you market them.)


  1. And anything in pill format- it may keep them quiet, but the irritation of jail time just aint worth it *twitch*

  2. I couldn't agree more. Treaters SHOULD know what the kids are looking for.
    Here is a few other items that I have gotten as a child, (or as a childish adult,) that immediately inspired resent and thoughts of harsh edification:
    -Apples, Razor blades or not; Unwanted!
    -Nickels. (Maybe quarters today.) Doesn't matter how much you gave away, I came looking for candy!
    -Snack-sized cereal boxes. For real?
    And, most importantly,
    -TOOTHBRUSHES!!! I ask ya! Do you want yoke on the front door?

    Happy Hallowe'en!

  3. Scott: maybe not pills but possibly small bottles of bourbon.

    C: Not even funsized applesauce!
    I'd take shares of GM although they're not worth much more than nickels
    I must disagree since cereal rocks! Clearly you got that one box of Raisin Bran that ruins the otherwise sugary bonanza of the assortment pack.
    Dentists should make more money so they don't live with normal people who do trick or treating. I guess we'd still have dental hygienist to tend with.

  4. Maybe Chocula or Frankenberry, that'd be cool, (and seasonal,) but yeah, I got Raisin Bran, and I guess I never did accept cereal as a Hallowe'en treat.