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October 2, 2009

6 reasons that Rio beat out Chicago for the 2016 Summer Olympics

1. Women in Rio have big round ba-dun-ka-dunk bottoms. Women in Chicago have big lumpy big-dump-a-truck bottoms.
2. The signature drink of Rio is the caipirinha. The signature drink of Chicago is gravy.
3. Chicago women get Brazilian waxes before they go to the beach. Rio women think they're stupid.
4. Rio is a cool song by Duran Duran. Chicago isn't
5. Jesus in Rio is 130 feet tall. Oprah in Chicago is 5 foot 6 1/2 inches.
6. Brazil's president is known as Lulu. The US president is known as the guy who insinuated himself into the non-political IOC selection process and move Chicago from a sure thing selection to a big waste of a lot of people's time.


  1. Re: No. 5: Do you have something against short people? I'm about the same height as Oprah. :)

  2. Short people are fine in my book. I'm just noting that their God is bigger than our God.