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February 13, 2010

5 ways to tell if your elective representative to Congress is a Democrat.

1. Place it in a large paper bag. Thoroughly wet the bag. If it sits impotently waiting for someone from the other side of the aisle to help it, it's a Democrat.
2. Present it with a small child who has a lollipop. Tell it that it must have the lollipop and cannot take no for an answer. If it develops a compromise in which all citizens must purchase a lifetime supply of lollipops from Big Candy Companies, it's a Democrat.
3. Ask it to change a lightbulb. If it says the task is impossible without the help of 59 other people, it's a Democrat.
4. Ask it to start a recreational basketball team. When the team arrives at the gym for the first game ask it if it is prepared to win the game. If it insists that adding touchdowns and homeruns is a contingency of even playing the game, it's a Democrat. If it insists that the other team be given a 100 point head start, it's a Democratic leader.
5. Make a peanut butter sandwich that the two of you will share. Tell it that you will cut the sandwich in half but that it will get to pick a half first. Cut the sandwich into 4/5 and 1/5 pieces. If it picks the smaller piece and then dances about excitedly shouting "Woo hoo! Sucka!!"it's a Democrat.