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Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts

February 21, 2009

8 food products whose name might be used to describe a toilet experience

1. Stew
2. Tootsie Roll
3. Cafe Steamers
4. Lincoln Logs (a local confection:pretzel rod dipped in caramel then chocolate.)
5. Pu pu platter
6. Squirt
7. Raisinets
8. TURDucken

January 28, 2009

8 steps to a tasty steak dinner

1. Keep it simple with the seasoning: salt, pepper, and a little oil
2. Let the steak reach room temperature before you cook it.
3. Use a cast iron or stainless steel pan - if you only have a non-stick pan, order a pizza
4. Put the steak in a hot, lightly oiled pan and leave it alone. Don't poke it, look under it, flip it. If you can't control yourself, leave the room.
5. Wait until the top of the steak is pooled with juices and the sides of the steak start to look cooked. At that point, the bottom of the steak should be nicely seared. Flip it ONCE.
6. Put the pan in a preheated 400 degree oven. Depending upon the thickness and size of the steak it should take about 5-6 minutes until you flip and another 5-6 minutes in the oven.
7. Poke the steak with your finger to see if it's done - don't cut into it to check for doneness
8. Take the steak out of the pan, put it on a plate, and leave it alone for another five minutes. Walk away if you must since the steak is ruined if you skip this step.

Poke-o-meter - what to look for when you poke your steak

If it feels like poking grandma's stomach - it's still raw inside.
If it feels like poking grandma's nose - it's medium, time to take it out of the oven
If it feels like grandma's crusty old toes - it's well-done, you're better off putting her toes in your mouth than the steak.

August 17, 2008

5 from the never-ending list of great cakes

1.  Angel food - good for the blood chemistry
2.  Wedding cake - tastes great with beer
3.  Birthday cake - the one thing to do when you're invited to someone's child's party
4.  Cake (the band) - what Cole Porter might sound like if he were into alt-rock
5.  Urinal cake - imagine what public restrooms would smell like without the fresh aroma of cake

August 11, 2008

In honor of the Olympics, 5 things I like to order at Panda Express and 5 physical activities I do to work off the calories

1. Beijing Beef and push-ups
2. Kung Pao chicken and long walks
3. Chow Mein and leg lunges
4. Mandarin Chicken and jack-knifes
5. Orange Chicken and taking the stair rather than the elevator