The best and worst guest stars on Scrubs

BEST
1. Thomas Cavanaugh
2. Brendan Fraser
3. Michael Learned
4. Dave Foley
5. Glynn Thurman (He was in this season's "My Last Words" and should win this year's Emmy for guest actor in a comedy series.

WORST
1. Keri Russell
2. Courtney Cox
3. Tara Reid
4. Rick Schroeder
5. Michael J. Fox

The 20 greatest television theme songs of all time

All lame blogs must eventually turn to television theme songs so, as this blog reaches its one year mark, I feel it is time to get this out of the way. This list may seem heavy on nostalgia but realize that the days of good theme music have past. Today's programs rarely use anything other than a previously written pop song or noise. I mean, come on Law and Order. Bong! Bong! ? That's a theme song?

In no particular order:


1. Gilligan's Island
2. Sesame Street
3. Partridge Family
4. M.A.S.H. - this is the movie version with lyrics
5. Green Acres
6. Bonanza
7. Sanford and Son - tribute performance
8. Cheers
9. The Facts of Life
10. Wide World of Sports
11. Match Game
12. Zoom
13. The Dukes of Hazard
14. WKRP in Cincinnati
15. The Muppet Show
16. Peter Gunn
17. Welcome Back Kotter
18. The Addams Family
19. The Brady Bunch
20. Hawaii 5-0

And for desert, here is Hitler singing the theme from The Jeffersons

Who's making me angry today?

1. Television executives - there's probably 10 hours of worthwhile prime-time programs in any given week and most of them are on Monday nights.
2. Steve Martin - The Pink Panther? Really?
3. Illinois Governor Pat Quinn - you've pretty much known you were going to assume the office for more than a month and now you say you need to figure out what needs to be done?
4. That skank at Target who thought is was okay to push me as she said "excuse me." I don't care if you are a desiccated old crone in a velour sweat suit who just bought some Revlon products and a copy of O magazine, I'll break you next time.
5. That table of speckly, 50 year-old women at trivia night who did their little coochie-popping dance during the music category. Who finds that alluring? What do I take to forget it?

5 more television programs on which Rod Blagojevich plans to appear

1. COPS (although he was arrested by FEDS)
2. Shear Genius
3. To Tell the Truth (yes, it's no longer broadcast but once Blago sets his mind on something you can't convince him he's wrong)
4. Trading Spaces (his Chicago-area home for a Federal prison cell)
5. Divorce Court (he's booked for this show sometime next year)

6 commercials we can all do without

1. Anything trying to convince me not to be a meth-head.
2. ANYTHING INTRODUCED BY BILLY MAYS!!!!
3. Roni Deutsch. Let me get this straight. You make enough money to owe $30,000 in taxes but you end up paying less than me thanks to Roni? Fine, but everyone who pays all of their taxes should be allowed to punch Roni Deutsch in the kidney.
4. Anything with people licking Oreo cookies. This is a fetish for 0.005% of the population and disgusting for everyone else.
5. Anything that suggests that a cartoon bear can't wipe its butt without leaving toilet paper residue.
6. Anything that takes advantage of the limited intellect of those who feel they need a hemi. Can't they just buy a typical 8-cylinder gas-guzzler and save $10,000?

Okay, Anthony Bourdain, who is on my television right now, has made listing irrelevant. He asks, "What's hot, humid and smells like a turd slathered in warm durian?" It's the Furnas hot springs which is "like a wet fart." How rank are the springs? "If you've ever nibbled egg salad scraped off someone's taint."

5 deals with the Devil

1. On Borrowed Time (1939 movie with Lionel Barrymore)
2. Devil Went Down To Georgia (Charlie Daniels song)
3. The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings (4ACV18 Episode 72 of Futurama)
4. The Devil and Daniel Webster (Stephen Benet short story which inspired a movie)
5. American Idol (you don't think Ryan Seacrest has made it on talent, do you?)