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March 31, 2009

5 super-powers that Dick Cheney may have but never mentioned.

I'm unsure if he has all or even any of these powers just that there are sources that suggest their existence.

1. Mind control. Given his seeming paranoia that everyone is after him, his ability to control minds may be tempered by an occasional lack of bladder control. I'm not sure if these two issues are related. Like, in order to control our minds, he has to pee a little in his pants.
2. Super-human mechanical strength. As I've suggested on this blog before, Cheney is actually a cyborg (Cheneybot-2000 Mark III model cyborgs to be specific.) Rumor has it that during one of his many medical emergencies, his brain and liver were removed from his body and placed in the first of a series of ever-improving cyborgs bodies. A competing cyborg rumor is that he might really be a cyborg who has gone back in time to warn us of something. Given his record, I'm thinking that this rumor isn't true or else there's something much worse before us.
3. Invisibility. You can't see him on Google Earth and didn't see him for the better part of his eight years in office. Fox News cameras seem to be the only devices that can document his presence.
4. He has the ability to heal the wounds of those he shoots in the face. Documentation of this power is obvious in that we've never heard of the many enemies he's shot in the face - he healed them.
5. Waterboarding - it's not what you think. There is a chance that he is one of two Wonder Twins who activate their powers with magic rings. One of them can take the form of water and the other of wood. It's unclear which power is Chaney's. Internet rumors suggest that the other Wonder Twin's name is Phillip and he lives in a man-sized safe.

1 comment:

  1. Oh nice! You have such a cool blog and I have tons of lists for you!

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