Now that I'm cooler than you because I bought an iPhone, 5 apps or accessories I need so that I can feel complete.

1. Taser
2. iWant To Punch (locates bars, restaurants coffeeshops etc in your area and alerts you to which ones are filled with loudmouth jerks talking on their iPhones with bluetooth headsets.)
3. Brown note generator
4. iNightLight (like the iFlashLight but dimmer and less useful.)
5. iPhone Personal Vibrator (Oh, wait, that already exists. Twice. I mean thrice.)