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April 17, 2009

10 tips for those who might be attending a wine tasting.

1. Wine tastings are not a competitive eating events so pace yourself.
2. I know we all create our own soft drink blends at the serve yourself station at Arby's but that sort of creativity is discouraged at a wine tasting. Red and white wines do not make pink.
3. Do not, under any conditions, challenge another taster to "wine pong".
4. The spit bucket is not intended for your chewing tobacco.
5. It is important to creatively describe your tasting experience but you should avoid adjectives like stuck-up or snobbish.
6. It doesn't matter how much you lovingly groom your facial hair, a sommelier will not pour wine into your mustache mug.
7. No, they don't have any Manishevitz.
8. Do not, under any circumstance, make a joke about the way others swish the wine in their mouths. It will seem funny because you've been drinking but, believe me, it won't be.
9. That guy in the turtleneck? He's really not interested in the summer you backpacked across Europe. He's just there to up-sell you from the white zin to the shiraz.
10. Wine tastings can lead to other odd behaviors like ballroom dance lessons, yoga classes, and book clubs. Tread lightly.


  1. Ah, Manishevitz. I attended a few Passover Seders at a friend's house and we used to get drunk off that stuff. This was during my teen years so of course we were exploiting a religious holiday for the purpose of getting drunk.

  2. In Cape Town, there is a wine route about half an hours drive from us- loads of really good vineyards, but, the caveat is: The traffic cops haunt the access roads, and frequently arrest people for drunk driving as they return from a tasting session.
    And I haven't matured enough as a drinker to spit, yet. I'm a swallower.

  3. Feel free to edit that last sentence. I wish I had.

  4. Jeff: The benefit of being an altar boy is free and easy access to sacramental wine. Clearly, Catholic priests hate grape because their wine is horrible.

    Husbands: . . . ok, this will stay between us.

  5. I was raised Catholic, but was never an altar boy. The Passover thing was just b/c our families were friends and it was a great cultural experience, by which I mean: "a time when parents allowed the kids to drink wine."