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May 8, 2009

As many encourage Obama to look beyond the bench for the next Supreme Court nominee, here are 5 possible contenders.

Richard Simmons for his widespread appeal to teabaggers. He must have a strong opinion on taxes since he's been teabagging America in those tiny shorts for decades. (Did I say "widespread appeal"?)

Diana Ross for her 50 year association with the Supremes (yes, 50, I just looked it up.) You Can't Hurry Love much in the same way they couldn't hurry a majority decision in Kelo v. City of New London.

The Incredible Hulk for his ability to concisely and simply state the most complicated opinions. "Hulk hate judicial activism! Hulk smash puny Bader Ginsberg!!"

American Idol's Randy Jackson for his astute judgment. "Dawg, your a priori assumption is pitchy, man. I'm not feelin' it."

Jack Daniels, a southern gentleman who has inspired more opinionated political debate than all other Justices combined.


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