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October 5, 2009

10 ways to make faculty happy.

1. Map their daily paths and provide free food every 20 yards.
2. Thank them vociferiously for every bit of wisdom they pass along to you - "oh my, I could never had unlocked this door unless you were there to give me a 20 minute lecture of the process."
3. Institute "Bring Your Pillow To Work Day"
4. Make every day "Bring Your Pillow To Work Day"
5. Perfect a worried expression so that you can use it whenever they tell you how challenging it is to work 20 hours a week.
6. Find ways to pay them more and to promote them without any expectations.
7. Pat them on the head when they call a meeting to discuss the new cut and paste PC technology they've just discovered.
8. Create more week-long breaks.
9. Hire a dozen staff members to help them through their day-to-day duties, like brushing their hair, empty their bladders, and finding free food.
10. Provide them a bag of bread crumbs so that they might find their way from one place to another.


  1. I would love to work at a place like this!!

  2. Michael - it's the closest you can get to fuedal England. I am a vassal though, not a lord.

  3. I love "Bring your pillow to work" day. I once implemented "Pajama Day" when I worked on Capitol Hill. Unfortunately, I was the only one that participated. Oh boy, the looks I got each Friday.

  4. Wow, that's some pretty high expectations there.

    Hmmm. I think I'll go get my pillow.