6 alcoholic drinks that should be avoided

1. MD 20/20 They don't call it mad dog for nothing.
2. Jack Daniels. Sure it's a quality product but it's for sipping not guzzling by the tumblerful.
3. Fruit flavored beers. No commentary required.
4. Peppermint schnapps. This hangover brought to you by Wrigley's gum.
5. Mojitos. Mmm. Mulch.
6. Frozen daiquiris or margaritas. If you want a sno-cone, order one.

6 alcoholic drinks worth trying (regularly)

1. Gin and tonic
2. Margarita on the rocks
3. Caipirinha (cachaca and limes if you've never had one.)
4. Tuaca and water on the rocks
5. Black Russian
6. Hop, skip, and go naked (In a pitcher combine a thawed container of frozen lemonade concentrate, enough vodka to fill that lemonade container, and one beer. It's so delicious and seemingly harmless that you're nearly certain to make a fool of yourself.)

5 really memorable cartoon quotes

1. Simon says . . . freeze!
2. Nothing up my sleeves . . .presto!
3. How many lumps? Oh, three or four.
4. I hate meeses to pieces.
5. Eep Op Ork Means I Love You.

For extra credit, name the character and cartoon.

5 bands from the ultimate concert circa 1982

1. Devo
2. The Cars
3. The Police
4. Elvis Costello
5. The Talking Heads

3 things I'd wish for if I had 3 wishes to waste.

1. A side-kick who supported my punchlines and further defined my character.
2. An interesting central location in which my adventures might unfold.
3. A group of writers who might spice up my relatively quiet existence.

My 4 favorite hiding games.

1. Ditch-em
2. Kick the can
3. Spotlight
4. Two hour lunch

SPECIAL LIST: 10 happy thoughts to combat my recently negative lists.

1. It's an awfully nice spring so far.
2. Two more weeks of a spring semester and the stress ends.
3. All of my finger and toe nails are fully functional and fungus-free.
4. Nearly a week without earthquakes.
5. If called upon, I am prepared remain in bed an entire day thereby making the world a better place in my absence.
6. Certain brands of beer available in 30-packs. That would last me 20 minutes longer than a standard case.
7. For all I know, I am in the prime of my life.
8. 243 days until Christmas.
9. Surely there can only be one Andrew Lloyd Weber night on American Idol so that threat has passed forever.
10. I understand that we have 5 billion years before the Andromeda galaxy slams into our our own forever destroying all earthly things.

7 things wrong with Catie Girls

1. Tuna burger was dry and mealy even though I was warned it would be cooked rare.
2. Roasted vegetable chips had clearly sat in a warming oven too long and were hard and dried out.
3. I got 3 shot glasses of soup as a side? Why 3 when a similar amount might have been contained by a . . . cup? If 3 shot glasses were so necessary, why not 3 different soup shots? How about just plain old - why?
4. Tuna burger bun was soaked through with butter so that it was inedible and fell apart in my hands as soon as I touched it.
5. Jerk fried chicken didn't have a crust? Does fried chicken have rubbery skin instead of crust?
6. Corn bread was undercooked. Mmmmm, lukewarm dough.
7. Everything was so salty, including the margarita, it seems that Lot's wife was working the kitchen tonight. Could there be anymore salt in town or did we eat it all?

7 reasons Hillary Clinton shouldn't be the Democratic nominee for President

1. If it's her and McCain, I'll have to vote for McCain (as long as he picks a good VP to finish out his term in case he doesn't survive - he's really old.) I don't think I'm uncommon in this thought.
2. A second President Clinton will be like a second Porky's movie. Sure, some were clamoring for it but that didn't make it worthwhile.
3. What kind of President drinks a shot of whiskey because a bunch of rednecks peer-pressured her? I mean some of my best friends are red-necks but I've never felt pressured to match them drink for drink.
4. Who knew that being married to a President was the experience you needed to be President? Oh, wait, only an idiot would think that . . . yep, only an idiot.
5. Do we really need another President who feels that he (or she) is owed the Presidency?
6. Because most Americans hate her and we don't need four more years of divisive, party-centered bickering. We've wasted enough years in our separate camps without getting anything accomplished.
7. Because she opened the door for a woman to win the White House but, if she actually wins, the door will be slammed shut, locked, nailed tight and covered over with bricks. (People really hate that woman so her presidency may set women's rights back to the Victorian age.)

6 plants I bought for the garden

1. Roma tomatoes
2. Serrano chilies
3. Rosemary
4. Sage
5. Sweet Basil
6. Thyme

5 things I did while failing to come up with a good idea for today's list.

1. Flossed my teeth
2. Watched a Joe E. Brown movie - "When's Your Birthday"
3. Dressed for bed.
4. Considered taking Valarian root.
5. Wrote this lame-o list.

6 red things I like

1. Wine
2. Gummi bears
3. My Prius
4. Ketchup
5. Clifford
6. The second button on Guitar Hero

3 things I wouldn't have gotten to enjoy if it weren't for an earthquake.

1. Woke me up at twenty to five which is still prime sleeping hour.
2. Shaking trees pissed off the birds and they made such a ruckus that I couldn't get back to sleep.
3. Had to listen to dozens of riveting accounts of how the bed shook moderately for 10 seconds.

5 food ingredients which prove that marketing firms think Americans are stupid.

1. pomegranate
2. soy protein
3. bifidus regularus
4. flax seed
5. antioxidants

5 more in the continuing series of what I'd rather do tomorrow than go to work.

1. Wear fiberglass socks.
2. Lick an envelope and get a papercut on my tongue.
3. Listen to Hillary Clinton tell me about 35 years of experience.
4. Take hip hop dance lessons. (Hips aren't quite what they used to be so this would be mostly hop.)
5. Call in sick. (Heeeey, there's an idea.)

8 sorts of cheese that my bad blood won't allow me to eat.

1. Cheese sauce poured all over a horseshoe sandwich.
2. Old school grilled cheese sandwich - American cheese and white bread.
3. Cheesecake
4. Nachos
5. Cheese and crackers
6. Aged provolone (not the creamy stuff but the dried sort with a crystalline structure like Parmesan that costs an arm and a leg, but hey you only need so many arms and legs and if you've got aged provolone, who cares.
7. That stuff that squirts our of can.
8. Cubes of cheese at every party

3 reasons Guitar Hero makes me cool

1. I can play green-red-yellow-green-red-yellow like there ain't no tomorrow.
2. When I use the whammy bar, it really makes my ass look hot.
3. I rock. The game says so and a game wouldn't lie to me.

6 things I miss about my freshman year of high school after watching Freaks and Geeks.

1. Cool music that came before Thriller.
2. Putting quarters into video game machines.
3. Watching R rated movies on cable.
4. Trying to get all of the fun out an evening before I had to go home.
5. The magic hours between getting out of school and the P and M getting home from work.
6. More first-times to look forward to then than now. (Anxiously awaiting first root canal now.)

4 reasons you know I'm not Johnny Cash.

1. I've been in Sun Studios, but I was on a tour and didn't actually record anything.
2. I'm one a small group of Americans who has not yet recorded a duet with Bono.
3. I'm more a man in beige.
4. Still alive.

4 factors leading to my falling asleep at 8 o'clock on a Friday night.

1. Really long week at work. Really.
2. Couch was so comfortable.
3. Margarita tipping point reached by 7
4. Ain't as young as I used to be. Not really a comment on age but on not having anything cool to do or a reason to waste time with being awake.

4 fuel facts based upon one month of Prius driving

1. On board computer says I'm averaging about 45 miles per gallon but actual miles per gallon is 38
2. 23.8 gallons of gas needed to haul myself around.
3. Gas costs average about 8 cents a mile.
4. If EPA MPG estimates were accurate, I would have traveled 100.5 additional miles on the gas I've purchased.

UPDATE: Now that the car is broken in, actual gas mileage is much more in line with EPA estimate of 48 city/45 hwy.

5 reasons old people seem so cranky

1. hobos stealing pies from window ledges
2. teenagers driving jalopies
3. elevator operators not letting common folks ascend without their supervision
4. Bette Davis eyes
5. rampant jitterbuggery

4 things my brain feels like after this endlessly long day

1. Pudding
2. An octopus out of the water
3. A tomato you find on the ground when you pull out the vines in October.
4. That stuff you scrape off a canned ham.

5 things I'd rather do than go back to work in the morning.

1. Watch Dancing with the Stars
2. Clean the litter box, without the scoop.
3. Wash down a stack of pancakes and maple syrup with a big glass of orange juice.
4. Read The Lord of the Rings in one sitting.
5. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes - those crazy Elton John Pinball Wizard shoes.

GUEST LIST: 6 Signs That I was Really, Really Tired Today

1. No shower despite the smell
2. My husband said it was like I was drunk
3. I didn't recognize by boss at the grocery store
4. The piles of clean clothes around the house waiting to be put away
5. The piles of dirty clothes around the house waiting to be washed
6. I've stripped the bed but no clean sheets yet. I have a feeling we'll be sleeping on the mattress tonight.

6 perrenials in popping up from the ground.

1. Blood wort
2. Stone crop
3. Clematis
4. Tulips
5. Bugleweed
6. Peonies

5 professions I'd like to try

1. Cab driver - I'd want to drive one of those taxicab confession cabs or the game show cab
2. Short order cook.
3. Daily cartoon strip artist
4. Movie editor
5. Designer - not one of those people who decorates rooms.

3 useful delusions

1. My job really makes a difference in the world.
2. I look pretty good for a middle-aged guy.
3. People admire guys with blogs.

If I had a hammer . . . .

1. I'd hammer in the afternoon - I really need to catch up on my sleep so mornings aren't good for me.
2. Wait a minute, I have a hammer. I hardly ever use it so I guess I'd put another hammer in my tool box with one I already have.
3. I'd be an obnoxious show-off. Hey everyone, look at my hammer. Look with your eyes, not with your hands!
4. I'd want a wrench. And then I'd want a compound miter saw. Then a bulldozer. Then one of those helicopter cranes. Let's face it, I have boundary issues so I'm better off not having a hammer.

5 reasons today sucked it big time.

1. A beautiful spring Monday turns into a nasty winter Tuesday.
2. Too many people think I'm the only one who can solve their problems.
3. Too many people think I'm supposed to do the work they get paid to do.
4. An evening spent doing the work I couldn't fit into a 9 hour work day.
5. That smell I smelled all day? Me. My cat peed in the basket of clean laundrey.