Ministry of Nicknames Statistic: 5 most common nicknames of those submitting an N-1221 Request to Change Assigned Nickname

1. The Rod
2. Twinkie
3. Stinky
4. The Little Mermaid
5. Dubya

Ministry of Nicknames Statistic: 5 most commonly assigned nicknames

1. Smitty
2. Jonesey
3. Buddy
4. Murph
5. Numbskull

5 reasons I won't be skipping work tomorrow to see Sex and the City.

1. Actresses are hard enough to look at on small television screen.
2. You wouldn't be able to see the screen for all of the big, gaudy hats.
3. Prefer my gratuitous nudity to involve women who are hot but not women who are having a hot flash.
4. I can't find a pair of mules in size 9 1/2 E.
5. Not female, not gay.

10 great pies

1. Apple
2. Cherry
3. Strawberry Rhubarb
4. Pecan
5. Lemon Meringue
6. Chess
7. Shepherds
8. Pumpkin
9. Chicken Pot
10. Boston Cream

100th Collector's Edition: A list of great lists.

1. The Ten Commandments
2. Schindler's List
3. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's 500 Songs that Shaped Rock and Roll.
4. David Lettermans Top Ten Lists
5. Franz Liszt
6. Fascinating Urinals
7. Earl Hickey's karma list
8. Kasey Kassem's America's Top 40 (yep, it only used to be a great list.)
9. George Carlin's words you can't say on televsion
10. My Daily List (of course.)

5 variety shows that I miss

1. Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts
2. Real People
3. That's Incredible
4. Battle of the Network Stars
5. The Carol Burnett Show

7 game shows I miss

1. Match Game (this could have been by itself on a one item list.)
2. Truth or Consequences
3. High Rollers
4. Tattle Tales
5. Joker's Wild
6. $25,ooo Pyramid
7. Don Adam's Screen Test

Prius Facts 2: The impact of trading-in a 2000 Galant after 2 months

1. I've driven 1012.3 miles more on the gas I've purchased.
2. I've avoided buying 59.5 gallons of gas.
3. I've saved appoximately $217.10.
4. I've not used 3.05 barrels of oil.
5. I've not put 1191 pounds of greenhouse gasses in the air.
6. Overall MPG since I bought the car - 44. (Best MPG on a single tank - 49.)

10 signs that you're a comic book dork.

1. You've lost your temper debating the pros and cons of various grades of bags and boards.
2. Most of your wardrobe consists of tee-shirts with your favorite character's image.
3. You use the phrase 'sequential story-telling'.
4. As you've grown older, you've abandoned long boxes for short boxes.
5. You've written a term paper about a graphic novel in a community college course.
6. You judge the quality of your action figures by their number of articulation points.
7. You've learned everything you know about databases by keeping a detailed inventory.
8. You met your girl-friend at a 'con.
9. You have a life-sized Spider-man costume tattoo. (If you're reading this Bob, hi, give me a call.)
10. You feel some resentment toward Stan Lee for the way he treated Jack Kirby.

4 things I can do once I click "Publish Post"

1. Floss and brush
2. Take an aspirin
3. Turn off my laptop
4. Get some sleep

10 cereals I ate as a kid

1. Apple Jacks
2. Fruity Pebbles
3. Coco Puffs
4. Frankenberry
5. Life
6. Freakies
7. Super Sugar Crisp
8. Kaboom
9. Quisp
10. Honeycomb's big. Big, big, big. It's not small. No. No. No.

7 Things You Don't Mind Shaking

1. Your groove thing
2. Your money maker
3. Santa's belly...like bowl full of jelly
4. An appletini...not stirred
5. My nervous dog
6. Maracas
7. The hand that gives you a giant novelty check for winning the lottery

5 gymnastic moves I've perfected.

1. Bending over backwards
2. Falling down drunk
3. Stumbling over my words
4. Rising to the occasion
5. Turning on a dime

10 favorite Guitar Hero III songs.

1. Barracuda
2. Cherub Rock
3. Miss Murder
4. My Name is Jonus
5. Story of My Life
6. When You Were Young
7. I'm in the Band
8. Mauvais Garcon
9. Radio Song
10. Through the Fire and Flames.

5 reasons this list is 30 minutes late.

1. Bandits stopped my train in the valley to steal the mining payroll.
2. Accidentally got Gizmo wet.
3. Temporarily forgot how to type.
4. The revolution does not coddle list-makers.
5. First cook-out of the year kept me out late.

3 targets upon which I can place blame.

1. The government.
2. The wife.
3. The dog (mostly when it comes to farts.)

5 ways to drive to work that don't involve gasolline.

1. Xebra Electric Sedan
2. The ZENN
3. Wrightspeed X1
4. The Air Car
5. GM Hy-Wire

5 things you do when you can't come up with a daily list idea.

1. Surf the Internet - not for ideas but to avoid the inevitable failure.
2. Look for junk food.
3. Consider whether toenails need clipping.
4. Does the dog need outside? I'd better let the dog outside. He looks like he wants out.
5. Write lame list, similar to this one.

4 things I'd accomplish in the first 100 days of my Presidency

1. Establish Ministry of Nicknames. There will be a nickname for everyone although not all will be unique. List of most popular nicknames will include Murgatroid (numbers 1 through 1,000,000.)
2. Make nice with Canada. I like their beer and they seem like good folks.
3. Take over Major League Baseball and reestablish it as a non-profit organization. (Come on, $8.50 for a beer. They're just asking to be taken over.)
4. Outlaw low-rise pants. (Do they look good on anyone?)

5 reasons I'm glad I don't have abs.

1. Having to do all of those sit ups.
2. All of the shaving and tanning.
3. No beer, no pasta?
4. Needing to find creative reasons to lift up my shirt all of the time.
5. Not enough mirrors in my house for the hours of admiring myself.

3 Match Game questions

1. Dumb Dora was so dumb, she poured Milk of Magnesia on her BLANK.
2. Nicky the nudist said, "It's so cold today my BLANK is frozen stiff.
3. The Jolly Green Giant stepped on a rake and got hit right in his BLANK.

5 things I believed when I was 8.

1. That Carol Burnett and Lucille Ball were the same person.
2. That cursing would send me straight to hell (and I couldn't say hell for fear of going there.)
3. That JC Penny was the coolest store and all of the best-dressed 3rd graders shopped there.
4. That the Earth's a big blue marble when you see it from up there.
5. That a sno-cone was the greatest treat in the world and a worthy celebration of a Little League win.

5 reasons why tonight's list is a guest list

1. Someone forgot to do a list
2. Somone had too many beers to get up and do a list now
3. Someone told me to come do the list for them
4. Someone clearly doesn't have their priorities straight
5. Someone is asleep now

5 things I might do with my $600 tax bribe.

1. Buy $600 of lottery tickets and quit job.
2. Invest in illicit drugs and forget job.
3. Pay illegal immigrant to show up to my job for me.
4. Buy a PS3 and all of the available games and hope that no one notices I'm not at work.
5. Through detailed and careful budgeting, stretch $600 so that it lasts a life time thereby proving job superfluous.

5 totally random musicals you should see.

1. Rent
2. Evita
3. West Side Story
4. Wicked
5. The Full Monty

4 things Hilary Clinton might say if her pander filter short circuited.

1. Everyone gets a kitten. Unless of course you don't like kittens. Then I'd say I don't really like kittens. Everyone gets a puppy. Unless you don't like puppies. Then you can have whatever you want. Just tell me what you need and I'll be that person.
2. I don't cast my lot with elite opinion. Just because physicists tell us that gravity exists it doesn't mean it does. You can't see it. You can't chase it with a shot of Royal Crown. My opponent thinks that gravity exists and that shows just how out of touch he is with the common man.
3. My perfect day is shooting some guns, chugging some beers, and spending some time at a nice respectable white church. Oh, and wearing a flag pin and bombing Iran.
4. The price of bread has skyrocketed. I propose Free Bread June. You can have all the white bread you want for free. My opponent eats foccacia or whatever it is that Muslims eat. He doesn't understand white bread. White. Did I say white?

6 things that come in tens

1. hot dogs
2. decacres in a hectare
3. Peeps (in chick form)
4. Commandments
5. Fingers in a handshake
6. David Letterman's daily lists.

6 things that come in nines

1. Baseball players
2. Innings played by baseball players
3. Planets (if you consider Pluto a planet.)
4. Cat lives
5. The savings in sitches brought about by one well-timed stitch.
6. Beatle songs. Beatle songs. Beatle songs. Beatle songs. Beatle songs. Beatle songs. Beatle songs. Beatle songs.Beatle songs. Beatle songs. Beatle songs. Beatle songs.Beatle songs. Beatle songs. Beatle songs. Beatle songs.Beatle songs. Beatle songs. Beatle songs. Beatle songs.

6 things that come in eights

1. Octopus legs
2. Stop sign sides
3. Days a week, according to Lennon and McCarty
4. Ears in a string quartet
5. Bits in a byte
6. Brady Bunches - sorry Alice, you're just hired help.

My parents' children's middle names.

1. Thomas
2. Thomas
3. Thomas
4. Thomas
5. Louise

5 sandwiches worth eatin' on.

1. Left-over Thanksgiving turkey, white bread, mayo, salt.
2. Grilled cheese.
3. Chicken salad with pecans and apples on wheat bread.
4. Cold, rare roast beef with horseradish
5. Pulled pork with cole slaw.